To fill the void left by the lost of Over the Top Wrestling, Channel 31 commissions a new show – a reality TV docu-drama about a group of paranormal investigators! They are:
- Dr Oetker, expert inventor who has creating ghost-catching pizza-based technology
- Max Bass, slow-thinking metalhead who delivers pizza on his scooter
- Elaine ‘Slick’ Reynolds, fast-talking skeptic and pizza parlour accountant
- Grace Wolfe, an athlete with a gift for opening doors and not much to do with pizza.
With their base above a Brunswick pizza parlour, and with Dr Oetker’s devices, they are – THE PIZZA GHOST DETECTIVES!
Episode One: Kinkshaming the CHUDfuckers
Hired by the parks department to investigate weird noises in the Botanic Gardens, the Pizza Ghost Detectives quickly realise that it’s the work of CHUDs (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers). But these aren’t regular CHUDs, they’re ghost CHUDs – and into some twisted sexual stuff. Grace discovers a strange pocket dimension next to the pizza parlour, a dusty, timeless space filled with pizza ingredients left untouched and unspoiled since the 1970s. When she’s rescued by the others, they create a portal through space and time that leads through the CHUD tunnels to the Gardens, where they use Dr Oetker’s ecto-pizza techology to stop a gross ghost CHUD orgy. Also, a cameraman is eaten, but no-one’s that bothered.
Episode Two: More Blood than a Student Film
After several months of adventures, cases and dead cameramen, the Pizza Ghost Detectives have a strong reputation and great ratings (at least, great for Channel 31). They’re approached by Maureen, a security guard at Barkly Square, who tells them that the shopping centre is plagued by nightly flurries of bloody snow and deadly snakes. (And that she’s a big fan of Max’s community radio metal show.) The team investigate, and find that Barkly Square shares a portal to the timeless pizza ingredient library (guarded by CHUDs), that Elaine’s grade 3 teacher might have been a demon, and that Northcote Plaza management can’t be trusted. But before they can do more, Max is bitten by cardboard demon snakes!
Episode Three: Comes the Sparkly Bear
Max recovers from his poisoning, and the team discover that more camerapeople have died. They investigate the Square as all the meat in the butcher’s shop animates and attacks them, but they hold the monsters off with pizza technology. They find a portal to another dimension in the manager’s office, where the mythical and mystical Sparkly Bear is being attacked by monsters. As Grace fights for the Bear, Max uncovers a conspiracy involving rival kebab-based ghost detectives in Northcote Plaza. They finally manage to rescue the Bear, who dispels all of the demons and monsters; Barkly Square is safe for capitalism once more; Pizza Ghost Detectives is renewed for a second season; and Max and Maureen go on a date.
HAPPY ENDINGS YAY